Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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