Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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