Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
