i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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