So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.