whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight