just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
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Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right