Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.