You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
