the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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