Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
