hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
