okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
