i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
