She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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