i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
