Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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