So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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