Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
