I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize