In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize