dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
