I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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