So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
