I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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