First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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