I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
