GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
