I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The air was thick with penises
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
