But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
