Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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