He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
