Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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