how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
