you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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