The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
