once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
