The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I currently don't understand fingers.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working