but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
