The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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