i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have grass duct taped all over my body
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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