Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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