Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
