SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My cat gives me a boner
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
