Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
