I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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