god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
