There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex