one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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