I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
