LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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