I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
