If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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