He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
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I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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