So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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