what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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