I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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