Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
