what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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