I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
