Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
