where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Someone shattered a urinal.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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