He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
