I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
