So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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